The Face of (in)Fertility

Exactly one year ago today, I posted this photo…

While I had already starting writing a bit about our infertility journey, this was my first foray into posting about the horrific, painful, and raw emotions that often accompany infertility.  I posted the picture because I just couldn’t get the words out.  Describing that kind of emotion isn’t easy.  Still, it was a definitely a turning point for my blog and for myself.  It was the point when I decided that I wasn’t going to keep quiet about what I was going through.  Sure, it might be ugly.  Sure, it would make some people uncomfortable.  But I needed to talk about it.  And so it began.

There was infertility testing, surgery, drugs and injections, four IUIs, and then two babies.  I wrote about it all, and I kept taking pictures.  I came to find that being open about my infertility was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

Now here we are, exactly one year later, dealing with a whole new set of often indescribable emotions.  Some of those painful infertility feelings still pop up from time to time.  I’m honestly not sure they will ever completely go away…and I’m not sure that I really want them to.  Still, anticipating the arrival of our two baby girls, the picture has changed quite a bit.

Comments

  1. This is such a brave post. I’m glad the picture is so much more happier now. 🙂

  2. I’m so so happy that picture has changed 🙂

    I’m also glad you shared your story with us. It really opened my eyes and helped me learn about something I really didn’t understand.

    Can’t wait to meet those babies!

  3. Beautiful.

    🙂

  4. Thank you for letting us be part of your journey.

  5. What a difference a year makes. I still remember how heartbreaking it was to see you post that first picture, and I still think you are SO brave for publicly putting it out there.

    Big, big hugs to you. 🙂

  6. I’m struggling with this a lot right now, and although I’m pretty open about what we are going through I usually end up holding back because I get embarrassed. No one really understands how it feels until they are going through it, and I also find myself feeling guilty for being sad when I’ve already been blessed with so much.

  7. I think this might be my favorite post of yours.

  8. Seeing this picture, even a year later, brings tears to my eyes. I am so glad the picture has changed for you and that soon you will be bringing home two fabulous little girls. You are amazing!

  9. So happy that the picture has changed so much in a year 🙂

  10. I remember that day, vividly. My heart broke for you.

    Now I’m so happy that my heart is dancing for you!

  11. Oh Erin, that first picture breaks my heart, and was also intensely like looking into a mirror at myself three years ago. You were incredibly brave to post that and I am in awe of your courage. My daughter turns two two weeks from today, and I still bear the scars of my infertility battle. I don’t think it really goes away, although I don’t dwell on it every minute like I used to. Oddly, I sometimes feel that it was a gift…an ugly, brutal, torturous gift, but one that makes me appreciate being a mother so so much. I wonder if women who get pregnant easily can ever really understand what a miracle it is? Anyway, love the picture that ends the post and am so happy for you!

  12. I’m so happy for the two of you!

  13. I wasn’t an active reader during those tough times you and Ted faced. Still, I’m glad I’m able to join the adventure right before the little ones arrive.

    Thank you for being honest, for sharing your story, and for teaching us all the true meaning of patience and sacrifice.

  14. Thank you for such an honest and personal account. I love your blog so much and it never fails to give me hope in this journey.

  15. I recall seeing that first picture and crying along with you. Thank you for being so open and honest on your journey. Now? I am celebrating and anxiously awaiting the arrival of your beautiful baby girls.

  16. I love this so much. It’s been a heck of a year, hasn’t it? 🙂

  17. What a great change in pictures! xoxoxo

  18. ERIN. I didn’t read at first, and all I saw was the photo, and my heart dropped. I thought “No. NO NO NO NO NO NO.”

    THANK GOODNESS.

    Can’t wait to see these lovely babes enter this world!

  19. It is so wonderful to see this face! AND I will get to see it at work every day! Well…for like a few weeks. And then not again until January. But you know what I mean. I am so happy!

  20. That first picture. wow. what a punch in the gut. I just know what’s going on there. Thanks for posting it.

  21. Being a newer reader to your blog, I wasn’t around for those infertility times. And that photo you shared in this post? It’s raw and sad and frightening and makes me want to wrap you up in a big bear hug to make things all better. The human body is such an amazing thing and your journey is a sure sign of that.

  22. Such a great post!

  23. It was a very brave thing to share your journey with all of us and I’m so glad the picture has changed!

  24. I’m still so excited for you & thank you for sharing your journey with us. You’re a brave, beautiful woman! The girls are so lucky to have you as their mom 🙂

  25. Your first picture is heartbreaking…but I’m so glad you were willing to share the picture and your stories. I’m sure you are helping many others who are dealing with the same thing.

  26. Even a year later, I see that picture and I tear up, big time. Crazy how life can change in a year… But honestly, as someone who knew VERY little about infertility, I’m glad you were so open about it and educated those of us who had no clue about the struggles it entailed. Thank you for that. I truly mean it.

  27. Is it weird that I think even when you’re crying you’re so beautiful? I think it’s the truth in your eyes that makes it so. I’m so proud of you.

  28. What a year. It will make you strong. It did me 🙂

    Just to let you know, I found you on Stirrup Queens endo blog roll and just wanted to say hi!

  29. What a difference! I’m so glad that you were able to take the second photo. 🙂

  30. I found your blog earlier today when we both tweeted to LiberalGranola. Your first picture is so striking and powerful that I instantly made the same face, tears and all… and the same thing happened again tonight when I came back to comment! I’m so glad to see you’ve had happy faces to follow.

  31. That first photo still breaks my heart every time I see it. But it’s been so wonderful to watch you embark on this exciting (and I’m sure scary!) journey!

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